The last week of my life has been one of the most difficult I have ever had to endure. In my own selfish nature I have been angry.
“How could this happen?”
“Why Kevin?”
“Lord, how could you take this man from his wife and children?”
“…and his friends?”
Then Sunday morning I went to church to support Suzie. The strength she has exhibited has been amazing through all of this. Joe asked that we all begin in prayer. And huddled with Suzie and Jen and Stacey and Linda I cried for my loss. As hard as I’ve cried in my life.
Then Joe began to preach. And somewhere during his sermon I felt something.
Something totally unexpected.
I felt envious of Kevin.
He was now standing in Heaven with our loving Father. He was in the presence of God. Is there a better place that any of us could be? I can only imagine the joy and happiness Kevin is experiencing now. He has the prize. I have no doubt that as he entered Heaven he heard “Well done, good and faithful servant”.
As I stumble through the days I get flashes. Memories hit me from no where like a ton of bricks. And then they are gone. How he approached his tee shot. How he stood when he was grilling. How his eyes lit up talking Hokie football. Him running around yelling after Santana Moss beat Dallas on a Monday Night Football game and half waking his house. Good memories.
I am sad and jealous. But I know in my heart that Kevin is in all his glory.
“How could this happen?”
“Why Kevin?”
“Lord, how could you take this man from his wife and children?”
“…and his friends?”
Then Sunday morning I went to church to support Suzie. The strength she has exhibited has been amazing through all of this. Joe asked that we all begin in prayer. And huddled with Suzie and Jen and Stacey and Linda I cried for my loss. As hard as I’ve cried in my life.
Then Joe began to preach. And somewhere during his sermon I felt something.
Something totally unexpected.
I felt envious of Kevin.
He was now standing in Heaven with our loving Father. He was in the presence of God. Is there a better place that any of us could be? I can only imagine the joy and happiness Kevin is experiencing now. He has the prize. I have no doubt that as he entered Heaven he heard “Well done, good and faithful servant”.
As I stumble through the days I get flashes. Memories hit me from no where like a ton of bricks. And then they are gone. How he approached his tee shot. How he stood when he was grilling. How his eyes lit up talking Hokie football. Him running around yelling after Santana Moss beat Dallas on a Monday Night Football game and half waking his house. Good memories.
I am sad and jealous. But I know in my heart that Kevin is in all his glory.
I want to live like there's no tomorrow
I want to dance like no one's around
I want to sing like nobody's listening
Before I lay my body down
I want to give like I have plenty
I want to give like I have plenty
I want to love like I'm not afraid
I want to be the man I was meant to be
I want to be the way I was made
Chris Tomlin
Chris Tomlin
Kevin Lawyer, my best friend, lived his life like this more than anyone I knew.
I love you my brother.
6 comments:
Amen! What a beautiful tribute, Lou. Bri & I have been so thankful to God that Suzie has you & Jen to walk through this with her. Your family is also in our prayers.
Man, Lou! This post is such a testimony of God's faithfulness to continually strengthen us when we surrender to Him. You have truly been an example of what being a Christ-follower looks like in this time of devastation and mourning. You have been honest with everyone about your pain and confusion, yet continually trusting God through it.
You, Jen and of course, Suzie, are proof that God gives us the grace to sustain us in the midst of completely overwhelming circumstances. Each of you are examples to follow, as you each follow Christ.
I have only seen the following verse from the perspective of the one that has died. Today I saw it for the first time from the perspective of the one that remains.
"For I am convinced that neither [a loved one's]death...nor anything in all creation, will be able to seperate us from the love of God that is in Christ Jesus our Lord" Romans 8:38
"Let us hold unswervingly to the hope we profess, for he who promised is faithful."
Hebrews 10:23 -You guys are the living example of this verse.
Thank you for your faith in our Savior. May many draw near Him, through your example!
Amen to Jason's comment.
You have set such a wonderful example. I love watching you live your life, I really do. Thanks for being you. I've been praying for you too. Thank you for inspiring me through this whole thing.
Love ya Mr Lou!
Lou,
I love you man!
My heart is so heavy for you and Jen. Yet I am so happy that Suzie has the both of you by her side. This has been my week. The up and down emotions. Sad for the loss of a husband, happy Kevin is in God's glory. Sad for the loss of a father, happy Kevin was an example to all. Sad for the loss of a friend, happy to know I will see him again.
Romans 8:28
And we KNOW that in ALL
things God works for the good of those who love him...
Watch the good. It's already begun. For that I give praise!
I've read and heard many people's thoughts about Kevin this past week, but none have been as vulnerable as yours. You have been an amazing example to your boys and Jen through this difficult time. I know God is going to continue to teach us all so many incredible things that we can't even begin to imagine. Although it isn't an easy ride, I'm proud to be on the journey with the Sabads.(I love the photo!)
mr. lou, i love living life with you. and learning with you. it is such an incredible privilege to serve beside you.
i love your heart. and everything that you said here was honest and beautifully spoken.
continue embracing the One who first embraced us.
praying for you guys. Love you!
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